I really haven't had the motivation to write anything recently. Quick update, I broke up with the rebound guy. I just could not pretend I liked him anymore. I had physical manifestations of disgust and this feeling of repulsion every time he touched me, I know that sounds mean and I apologize for that but he was starting to be seriously annoying and needy. He sent me a text and complained that I was taking too long to reply. It's a text!!! If it was an emergency conversation he wanted to have, here's a novel idea, pick up the phone, dial my number and actually have a real conversation with me! Asking me how my day was and expecting me to reply 2 seconds later is not an emergency…maybe my day isn't over yet!!! Anyway after that I knew it was over, and promptly ended it.
Also, he wasn't my "one" and thankfully now I have this new nifty power where when someone who isn't my "one" touches me I get waves of repulsion, kind of a panic attack. According to Wikipedia a have an over-active amygdale which secretes too much of something or other that makes me have these mini panic-attacks when an inappropriate person invades my personal space and there's no clearer message from God that this is the wrong guy than a racing heart, sweaty forehead and nausea LOL.
Anyway here's an interesting story, I met someone. It was uncanny. I have this new check list and I know it's wrong to have a list, but that's another story. So I'm sitting in a mat minding my own business with my ear phones on, when this guy starts talking to me. You guys I swear he was everything on my list, fly as hell, swagger ok, brown skin popping, just the right amount of facial hair to look groomed, recently graduated, doesn't live with his mom, doesn't live with a bunch of frat boys, everything on the list so you see it was uncanny that this list guy comes into a ratty old mat and starts talking to me…I was just thinking "what the heck, is this a joke, did he read my blog, did he intercept my prayers" Anyway, because I knew it was some sort of joke, I tried my best to ignore him but he was just so sweet and good looking I knew I'd be a major idiot if I ignored him. The conversation was good with list guy, total stranger that he was, it was the most fun I've had talking to a guy in a while, and yes I mean even better than talking to rebound guy who was my actual boyfriend for a month.
Anyway list guy asks me over but I tell him I don't really date people who don't go to church with me, playing hard to get is hard, but men do it and its time to flip the script. I'm a woman and I'm manning up J Anyway he got off before I did and we exchanged numbers and all that and he texted me 5 minutes later to tell me he was glad to meet me and how nice I was he already missed me and all that good stuff. And then he called me when I got home last night, and I was blushing and happy all night.
All day today I was anxiously looking forward to his text, and he texted me good morning, and goodnight and now I'm sitting here blogging. Here's the kicker, as happy as I was yesterday, I just realized he's not my "one" either. Now before you call me messed up, I just know that when I meet that guy there'll be no doubt in my mind. Maybe I'm crazy and I'm living in a dream but I was listening to Atemi's song "Someday" and I just felt so locked in when I thought about him being my someday guy.
Now, I could be wrong about this but I think the lesson God was trying to teach me on this one is that my list is not all that impossible and guys like that do exist…and not every guy who is outwardly perfect is the one for me…now don't get me wrong I will probably go out with list guy, but it probably won't be anything serious. I don't want to be tied down to anyone, who'll delay me from the right guy. But any guy in between who I won't have a panic attack with when he's holding my hand is good enough for me. I'm not in the rush for marriage anymore LOL, I can meet someone and 6 weeks later we could get married so no more of my 4 year dating timetable, maybe that's not the route for me. I don't know, I haven't finished the self-discovery yet.
I'm just thinking how cool is it that a hot guy hit on me when I was in pain fresh from the dentist office to tighten my shiny metal and black braces. That sure adds to my self-confidence LOL.
Till next time,