Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Failing

Have you guys ever just felt, like you're at the end of your rope. Like, "o.k I've had enough" and you throw your hands up in the air and say whatever happens, happens. I guess that's where I am right now. I don't know, for some reason, I feel really angry and moody.

I'll start with this, I haven't prayed in a couple of days. I mean, Sunday at Church I realized that, that thing of mine for not being able to pray-like talk, to God, and instead writing prayers in my journal, isn't quite helping me grow. I mean, we're at Church, after worship, and people are just talking to God, while I'm thinking, "I left my journal in the car!"

Another reason, is that I just feel like things aren't working out the way I expected them to. Like, I wasn't baptized this past weekend even though I really didn't want any complications to do with that, and now it seems that complications are where I'm headed, seeing that I haven't even received that text message confirmation that I'm apparently supposed to get.

Another reason, is that those prayer requests we made at the beginning of the month at Church, I haven't gotten answers. O.k, one of the things I prayed for was that my mom would support me and make it easier on me, emotionally, when I moved out. I couldn't handle it, worrying everyday, that she's sad or mad at me, or that she thinks that I abandoned her or that I don't need her anymore. That's been answered because I think my mom is happy, and we talk a lot. So, that, I am thankful for. However the other stuff...nope!

It's not like I'm asking for anything bad. I thought that if you're prayers aligned to God's will, the answer would be yes. Seriously, it's not like I'm asking for anything that you could classify as...I don't know...crazy unsaved things. Still, I'm not getting a whole lot of yes's. Another thing is that I feel like God knows my weaknesses, so wouldn't it stand to reason, that he wouldn't let me experience the hurts I did when I wasn't saved, now that I am saved?

I think I give up, asking for anything...I think when I do pray, it'll just be, narrating my day, but asking for anything...no...it just hurts too much, to hope for something and having your hopes not pan out.

O.K as you can probably tell, today would have been the day of my Mizizi class and these are the questions I would have asked there. However since we graduated, and I'm not seeing my Lifegroup till Friday, I pose these questions to you.

I hate being so low :-(



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