Tuesday, February 14, 2012

A Whole Lotta Bible Readin and Prayin

Weirdly enough I didn't realize it was Valentine's Day until I got to town this morning and saw at least 4 tents from flower vendors on every major street. It wasn't really eventful because I spent the entire day in class, doing assignments and back to class till around 8 p.m. Then I was stuck in traffic and got home an hour later. At least I got some sweets and a soda from a couple of my classmates :-)

Over the weekend, I felt like God was teaching me a whole lot about love. How unrelenting His love is, how forgiving He is, how He daily pours out His mercy and love.

(Rom 5:8 [NET])
But God demonstrates his own love for us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

 I realized the His love is freeing and was reminded of how nothing can separate us from the love of God.

(Rom 8:38-39 [NET])

38 For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor heavenly rulers, nor things that are present, nor things to come, nor powers, 39 nor height, nor depth, nor anything else in creation will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.

I recognized all these things about God, and was totally convinced of His love for me and His good plans for my life.

Then today happened, and I realized, it’s so easy to trust God in the abstract, in a far off kind of way, but the minute my faith was tested, I didn’t believe God would work for my good. In fact my exact thought was, “God, I hope this isn’t another way to test me so I can learn a lesson.”

Then my loving God, brought this verse to my mind,

(Luke 11:11-13 [NET])

11 What father among you, if your son asks for a fish, will give him a snake instead of a fish? 12 Or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion? 13 If you then, although you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will the heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!”

So the deal is, I was sitting in class and suddenly I realized that “hey, some exam results have come out and I haven’t gotten any of mine yet. Oh, duh! I had my registration number changed when I transferred to my new Campus.” I already had my issues with marks that I’m missing and having these new issues to deal with, it just, honestly, breaks my heart, kills me. I’d already been praying for the issues I already had, then these new ones come to mind, and I was just like “God, really??? Wasn't this transfer what You led me to do? Then if that's the case, why all these complications?"

Then this led to me thinking about all the times God has “let me down” and for the most part I realized they were my fault, like when I prayed to pass exams and didn’t get what I wanted, or when I prayed for a relationship to work and it didn’t because I went my own way on that one, as in, for the most part I was part of the problem.

I don’t want to be that person who believes after she sees; I want to know that if I pray for a fish, I’ll get a fish, and not a scorpion to “test my courage” That’s not who Jesus said He is. I don’t know why it’s so hard to have faith in that, it’s crazy, my trust issues. I’m scared to raise my hopes and get them dashed.

My mom just told me that her favorite parts of the Bible are Psalms 23 and Psalms 27, and Psalms 27 just shows you how confident David was in God. Talk about immovable faith! He says how He was faced by enemies on all sides but in all this he finds time to tell God how much He loves Him and how he desires to spend more time with Him,

(Ps 27:4 [NET])
​​​​​​​I have asked the LORD for one thing – ​​​​​​this is what I desire! ​​​​​​I want to live in the LORD’s house all the days of my life, ​​​​​​so I can gaze at the splendor of the LORD ​​​​​​and contemplate in his temple.

(Ps 27:8 [NET])
​​​​​​​My heart tells me to pray to you, ​​​​​​and I do pray to you, O LORD.

(Ps 27:11-14 [NET])
​​​​​​​Teach me how you want me to live; ​​​​​​lead me along a level path because of those who wait to ambush me!

v. 12
​​​​​​​Do not turn me over to my enemies, ​​​​​​for false witnesses who want to destroy me testify against me.

v. 13
​​​​​​​Where would I be if I did not believe I would experience ​​​​​​the LORD’s favor in the land of the living?

v. 14
​​​​​​​Rely on the LORD! ​​​​​​Be strong and confident! ​​​​​​Rely on the LORD!

Anyway, this is my prayer this valentine’s day. God, I’m tired of believing you for other people, but not believing you for me. It makes me sad that we’re not where I thought we were, I don’t have faith in You or your ability to give me good things, I sing it, I tell people that, but in my heart of hearts I don’t trust you to work for my good and that’s my weakness, both when it comes to you and when it comes to the world. But, you say in Romans 8,

26 In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness, for we do not know how we should pray, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with inexpressible groanings. 27 And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes on behalf of the saints according to God’s will. 28 And we know that all things work together for good for those who love God, who are called according to his purpose,

I pray you pray for me, your Spirit prays for me in this. It’s Valentines. I’m o.k. seeing everything but, I think I need your love and for my heart to be free to love you more than I need flowers and chocolates, and kisses and hugs, at least for right now J Speaking of trust, since it’s valentine’s, I think it’s o.k. to add a P.S wherein I ask you for my cute, guitar playing, worship singing, Jesus loving guy, to be o.k. and to keep on waiting for me, haha.

In Jesus’ name.

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