Wednesday, June 20, 2012

M.I.A: Scared of God

Man, I cannot even tell you how crazy the past two weeks have been. I haven't even blogged in two weeks, and blogging is a huge thing for me.

I am honestly just very frazzled, you know the feeling of being pulled in every direction?

My heart is right in the middle of all that tugging.

To be honest, a series of circumstances, which I'll probably tell ya'll about later just got me to a place of fearing God, like not a natural, "Thou shalt fear God" kinda thing but a really, "Dude, my entire being, whether I breathe in the next second is really under your control and you freak me out" kinda way.

I hate that! I hate fear. I hate fearing and not trusting the one person I'm supposed to be able to trust most in the world. Anyway, I needed a couple of days off I guess to recharge and breathe and get my mind back under some form of control.

As I was doing that, I realized, I'm scared of a lto, but it all comes down to this:

I’m scared He’s not really with me and if He isn’t I can’t dive in because there’ll be no one there to catch me.

What holds me together? Well if it were up to me, the answer to that would be nothing, and I would be falling apart.

But, it’s not up to me thank God! 

My mind may not allow me to conceive that a great and powerful God has my name on the palm of His hand. 

That Jesus is obsessed with me and loves me despite everything and would do it all over again. 

My thoughts may come at me a lot more often than His thoughts toward me, but His word stands true. The more I get to know Him, the more His thoughts will become my thoughts. 

And you know what, one day I won’t be scared anymore. I’ll crave to hear His voice, I won’t be scared when He speaks to me or shows me something. His words will bring life to me.

I need to remind myself of who God is, of who I am because of Him.

Hope this helps you if you're at the same place at me.

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