Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Christians and Friendship

I think I've been blessed with some of the best friends a girl could ask for. I don't have a lot of friends, we don't all go to happy hour or do reunions together :-) I'm not really the bare your heart to anyone type, but the friends I do have are pretty special.

I'm going to introduce them to you guys one day, but not today. Today I want to talk about one thing that's really been on my heart these past couple of days...authenticity in friendship. I think the reason I consider these guys my best friends is the fact that they've seen me at my worst and still they come back for more. I get crazy and these crazy people put up with it :-) I'm pretty lucky.

I'm trying to not be one person to one group of people and another person to another group of people. My friends know I have hard times, I struggle. They know when I'm happy and when I'm not. They know when I mess up. There are times when I try and hide my issues from them and be all happy and perky and act like my life is perfect. I think there's a pressure with that, especially after I got saved. 

I think though that the devil (don't run away, come back! I won't mention him again!) likes it when we keep things in the dark. When for example, I hide something from Michelle, like a boy issue, for example, I lose that accountability and things done in the dark end up messing you up. However, when I talk to her, I kind of see things better and I'm more enLIGHTENED (pun intended) about whatever it is. I think my biggest issue in life is boys, so this is the perfect example for me.

I also think there's an issue of hypocrisy. When you act like you have it all together, what sort of witness is that to your friends? Christian life isn't about perfection, it's about a gracious God, pulling you out of the muck and helping you be more like Him. It isn't about being perfect enough to love. We love Him because He first loved us

If I act like everything's good, then God forbid, I ever burn out, that'll drive a huge gap between my friends and God, because it'll be like, "God isn't real, if He was real Joanne wouldn't have burned out." If on the other hand I'm honest about my struggles and my ups and downs with this whole salvation thing, it'll be like, "If God can use someone as imperfect as Joanne, He can use me too." or "If God helped Joanne through such and such, He can help me too."

You know when you meet a guy {and by you, I mean me :-)} you kind of struggle to impress them and be whoever you feel they want you to be so that they like you and you don't act like yourself and it starts this whole cycle of lies and issues that you cant run away from and before you know it you're crying on the bathroom floor wondering what went wrong and your friends and family wonder why you're still single when you are such an awesome person. {Wah! That actually summarizes my dating life hehehe} Well, what went wrong is that you weren't yourself, and you are a great person when you're yourself, but you see you were never yourself.

I personally hate dating, I wish I could start from 5 years in where you're both comfortable and settled and not going through the whole, "should I call him? Why isn't he calling me? Should I text him?" dance. Unfortunately that's not how it works.

So, I'm praying a lot for God to change the face of my dating life. That if I meet #thatguy, I'm not caught up in impressing him with what I think he would like, but that I could just be a friend to him like I'm a friend to my BFF's. In all things keeping God and His plans for me as my first priority. I don't want to toss God aside and focus on a relationship that may or may not end in heartbreak and then have to go back with my tail in between my legs, head buried in shame and heart broken into a million pieces. At the end of everything, He's basically all I have left, I've learnt that the hard way, so Him and I stick together :-)

I'm praying that I'll just get lost in Him and all this other stuff won't matter so much to me. I think despite all my faults and foolish ways, God's just been so great to me and has given me such joy, that last night me and Michelle had created such drama thinking about boys and despite that drama, I was dancing around in my room, happy! Singing "This Is What You Do" by Matt Stinton. Like the song says, "You make me come alive." I'd be dumb to let that go.

Anyway, just thought I'd share in case anybody's going through the same thing. Would love to hear from you.


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