Thursday, August 23, 2012

My 5 Love Languages

You've all heard of the 5 love languages? Every body has a specific set of qualities or "languages" that translate into how best that person feels love. Basically, you can buy someone all the gifts in the world but they still don't feel like you love them because that's not their primary love language. Check it out here.

They have this quiz on their website, which obviously I did and these were my results:

1. Quality Time 10/12
2. Receiving Gifts 7/12
3. Words of Affirmation 5/12
4. Physical Touch 5/12
5. Acts of Service 3/12

This is actually quite spot on. Personally, I don't care how many texts you send, how long we can talk on the phone, or how well you can wine and dine me and shower me with gifts, to me, if you don't give up some of your time to spend with me, no big plans, but just meeting for the sake of meeting, I'm not going to feel secure in that relationship.

People complicate stuff. You live in Nairobi, we have parks all over the city, but someone decided walking in the park is shady and now people don't meet because guys are scared we're expecting fancy dinners. I always say, Java is great, but not all great relationships need to be built at Java. There's a time and place for fancy dinners and coffee, but also make room for the simple meet and greet, walk in the park, bum around town, go buy movies and stop for a soda somewhere. If you're in town shopping, ask the girl if she'd like to join you. Simple!

Also, depending on where you're at in your life, "come over we watch a movie" is not a date. When you're first getting to know someone, actually, I think this carries forward into until he's put a ring on it or at least is close to, avoid compromising situations and intimate moments. You should be getting to know each other, you'll have the rest of your lives (hopefully) to sit around the house alone watching movies, but right now, hang out in the sun, with friends/family, get to know each other. Get rained on waiting for a bus in town, conquer inconveniences like that together, build actual memories and experiences.

{at this point let me interject, unless you've dated for a long long time, it's not o.k to go to Imbiss fish and chips or those fast food joints with the high top chairs! Save that for your boys. If money is a problem, at least go to the places with the small tables and chairs - and pay the entire bill - no going Dutch/Splitsies}

Anyway, back to my languages, this is what they say on the website;

Quality Time

In Quality Time, nothing says “I love you” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes you feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed activities, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.

Receiving gifts obviously comes up next. You know the quote, "Whatever you invest your time and money into, therein your heart lies." Again, no big, grand, expensive thing. The best gift I've ever gotten from a guy was when a guy I dated wrote and read me a poem, he knew I was into poetry and song writing and he wrote one for me. I can't remember the words, it wasn't award winning in any way, but I've never forgotten that.

No surprise, Words of Affirmation and Physical Touch rank hand in hand. I dated a guy who'd tell me the sweetest things and text the corniest lines, yet when we met up, he didn't hold my hand. I know it's crazy and means nothing to most people, but dadgum it, it means a lot to me. I love PDA, and if holding hands is the best you can do, then hold my freaking hand, throw your arm around me, make me feel like I'm not one of the guys or that girl in your class you have study group with, come on!

Acts of Service are awesome too, go out of your way to do something nice. Yeah I know it's a hassle waking up early to do something, or getting home late when all you wanted to do was chill, but in the grand scheme of things, you're not going to be like, "I wish I had slept more instead of..." or "I wish I didn't pay that fare or fuel the car going to..." unless you're dating a particularly annoying person, in which case that's another story. But if you're in a good relationship or you're hoping to build a good relationship, all the minor inconveniences you faced in getting where you want to go, trust me they won't matter in the long run. (They'll probably not matter in the short-run when you see your girl scream in surprise when you drop by to give her a hug after she's had a bad day, or see that smile or get that hug that says, "Oh my gosh, you did that for me", dude, you'll feel like a rock star! Not to mention score about a million points with him/her)

Obviously these mean nothing if there's no trust and commitment in your relationship and both of you aren't committed to building toward something and making it work. We'll look more at this tomorrow.

Make sure you drop by the website and do the quiz with your loved one.

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