Thursday, August 16, 2012

The Altar Doesn't Alter

Honestly, if you listen to some radio stations in the morning, you would never ever want to get married. Like this morning, the discussion was on how men marry for 3 things, good food, clean house, and sex, and if you are unable to provide one or all of these things, then he absolutely has to have a girl on the side,

People called in and I think the saddest one was this lady who'd been married 8 years and in their 5th year while she was on maternity leave, she found out her husband had an affair with one of her friends, and this discovery led to a lot more because the guy had cheated a bunch of times before that. She says she got married as a virgin and now she's living with HIV.

Another guy called in and said he just doesn't get turned on by his wife, they don't have sex and he's not cheating, he just doesn't want it.

What about the stories of the girl who cant cook and the husband sends her back to her mother's...yeah, it happens. Or the men who cheat with the housemaid, or bring girls home from the bar and kick the wife out of bed! I even watched a Nigerian movie about this girl who married this extremely handsome man and on the wedding night the guy is like, "there's no hurry, we're both tired" same story for 6 weeks, finally the girl finds out the guy is gay. Or like the guy who just yesterday was a sweetheart and now, if you don't get that spot out of his shirt, he throws it in your face.

Yeah, so you know that fear I was talking about yesterday, as you can see, it just about quadrupled!

Rick Shurtz, a pastor from Gateway Church in Austin said once, "The altar doesn't alter the condition of your hearts..." We even see this in the Bible, Jacob marrying Leah didn't make him love her anymore because his heart was already set on something else (Rachel) - {Genesis 29 and 30}

Before you get into it with someone, be smart, it's called due diligence. My Pastor talked about how couples nowadays date in isolation, you can be with someone for months and the person's never introduced you to his friends or family, that's a deal breaker! You end up falling in love with someone's image that they've purported and not the real person. I grew up in the, "come over we watch a movie" generation, so I know!

Pastor M recommended doing group hangouts, inviting each other to your life groups, casual family stuff, being out in public and seeing how they react to certain situations like a rude waiter or a random person that's bumped into them and scuffed their shoe. You'll never see that when you're indoors. Check out what their friends think about them, their family dynamic, their character.

I feel like this would work a lot better than Facebook stalking your girlfriend or being married and counting their mileage to see if they came straight home from work, or hugging them and sniffing for signs of perfume or cologne.

About the whole sex in marriage thing, obviously, I have no comment, but I found this great article all you married folks might find interesting:

"In a nutshell, here’s what I think: a healthy marriage consists of give and take in every area, including sex. So the wife should give when she’s able, as much as she’s able, and as enthusiastically as she’s able. At the same time, when she is not able, the husband should then give grace. To me, that’s a healthy marriage. For most of the month, you have a great time, and then for those five days you concentrate on other areas of relating, like talking, or cuddling, or watching a movie, or whatever–unless, of course, she would like to do something more sexual (and about 30% of women do. There’s nothing wrong with that!)... {Continue reading....}

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