Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Unhappily Ever After?

A couple of things freak me out about relationships:
  • Secrets
  • Falling “out of love”
  • Cheating/Affairs
  • Break-ups/Divorce

I mean, for most people, relationships are a major part of life. You’re born into a family, you grow up, you get a job, you start another family – with friends and soon after with a partner and kids, and the cycle continues. At any point of your life, you’re part of a family. Good or bad.

I just read that Deitrick and Damita Haddon just got a divorce. He put this up on his Facebook page::

Yes, this isn’t the first high-profile Christian personality divorce. But, this get’s to me because they’re in WorshipL. We’ve seen a bunch of “Christian” divorces. Every single time, the reason is the same;

“I put my ministry before my spouse.”

I feel like this line has been repeated so many times, it’s a little bit of a cliché. We’ll probably never know the real reasons, but whatever they are, the fact is, I don’t get how a couple could have technically done everything we’re advised to do in Church/Christian circles, you know, follow God’s calling on your life, marry a person who loves God like you do, pray together, serve together, and still, they end up in divorce. Or affairs, another Christian artist Da Truth was caught up in an affair last year! Juanita Bynum was apparently abused. Paula White got divorced too.

This just freaks me out! I mean, there are already enough unknowns in the world, after the wedding, the unknowns are supposed to stop! I don’t need to go to bed every night thinking, “Oh my God, what secrets is he hiding? Is he still in love with me? Is he having an affair? Is our marriage alright?”

Also, when you realize your marriage is in trouble, is it that hard to work on in? In my {probably naïve} mind, I’d think that when you realize you put your job before your wife, you’d take a month off and work on your marriage. You’d pray about it, get help, get people to stand with you and pray for you. Is it that prayer isn’t enough?

Like I said, I have no idea - none of us do - what went on inside these marriages, but, I just can’t allow myself to believe that there’s no hope. That after the commitment is made and you hit a rocky patch, the only option is to quit. I can’t believe in a world, in a relationship, in a marriage with no hope. I can’t believe in “till ‘falling out of love’ does us part”.

A lot of people tell me I’m a dreamer. That in reality it all goes downhill after the wedding, and the claws come out. That being “in-love” only exists when you guys are courting. That I’m going to get sick of the dirty stinky socks and underwear everywhere except the hamper. Irritated with the guy coming home late and going out all weekend, squeezing the toothpaste from the middle and leaving the cap off…argh! Frustrated when he just doesn't understand me!!!

Relationships are hard; I personally have no idea how to make them work.

All I know is that in my own life, all I can do is just pray and seek God on how to love. God is love and every part of Him spills out love, and He knows how I need to love whoever I’m with.

I need to seek God on how to commit, how to be honest, how to open my heart, how to handle conflict, not just in a relationship, but in my own life. I need to seek God on how to handle and relate and cope with different personalities while retaining and growing my own. I need to seek God on how to GROW UP!

When you audition for a Choir/Worship Team, let’s say as an alto, after the Worship Pastor hears you sing, he’ll put you in a group with a soprano and a tenor to listen to how well you can maintain your voice in a crowd. You can’t really “fake it till you make it”. A song is going to come up and if you try to sing high, your voice will crack and you aren’t going to make it.

I believe it works the same way in life. You need to seek God to make you who he created “you” to be. This practice of being a different person in different relationships just won’t work. Trust me, been there done that! 

Somewhere out there is someone who can handle the real you. Once you find them, how much easier will it be to put in the work when you aren’t focused on being somebody else? Yeah, it’s work; from day 1 you need to build the right foundation so you’re not in the middle of everything in a couple of years discontent, irritated and stuck, or worse, divorced and heartbroken.

Life is work. Relationships are work. Marriages are work. THAT IS LIFE!

Anyway, like I said, I have no idea AT ALL how to make a relationship work. I have been a big fat failure, but before I jump into another doomed relationship…I’m determined to learn.


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