This is sort of my theme for this week; passionate pursuit. I’ve gotten a lot of flack this week from my mom and my best friends, Joe and Mich about my list. You know what I’m talking about, the list.
Well, I have a list of what I’m looking for in…a man. It’s very long and very detailed and I am admitting my madness on the inter-webs…and I said inter-webs, I’m guessing my cool card has been revoked. I’m sorry, I’m a girl! A girl who’s been through a lot and just doesn’t want anymore drama in her life, hence, the list.
So, my friends and my mom are all, “You’re insane, you’re way too picky, this will never work, it’s never gonna happen!” As for me, I figure, hey, it’s my life and I have the right to make any sort of list I want. Look, I know, realistically I’m not going to get the guy on the list and in a way it’s not really about the list, it’s about hope and it’s about a gift.
I want the gift, to be passionately pursued not in a gross way like a stalker, not in a sinful way like an obsession, but as a gift. I want to passionately pursue, I want the gift. The gift of loving and being loved; being desired and desiring, that’s all. Maybe the easiest way for me to express that and channel that is through a list.
Mich told me, as long as you have someone, anyone, nothing else matters; on the other hand, I think that it would also be incredibly sad to be lonely when you’re with someone than to be lonely alone. Your spouse should be your standard, by which you measure anybody else of the same sex. It may not start out like that, but given time, understanding, love that’s where it should end up. What’s wrong with wanting a head start on that? ;-) I mean, don’t you want to wake up every day knowing that the person you’re with wasn’t just some random person you settled with just because they were there? Doesn’t it feel about a million times better know that what you have is a gift, a miracle, a blessing? Call me a dreamer but I think that would be awesome.
I think it’s this whole salvation thing…I got a taste of love, a taste of pursuit constantly getting dazzled by God. He drives me crazy sometimes and I’m yet to fully understand Him, but He makes my heart melt and my soul fly and I don’t know how to give that up. More than that, I don’t know if I’d want someone who drained me of that instead of keeping me full.
Everybody deserves to be passionately pursued – list or no list.