Monday, February 25, 2013

Mexican Standoff With God

So, yesterday didn’t go according to plan but I’ve determined in my heart to not be sad or agonize about it. It’s so easy to get caught up in a Mexican standoff (a no win, no lose situation) with God. I think of it as being on a hunger strike, where you tell God, I won’t be happy, I won’t experience your joy today because I’m pouting since you didn’t go according to my script. I talked about this before.

Julie asked me if there are any issues that I’m dealing with, you know like, drinking, drugs, pornography and so on. I told her no, thank God for no alcohol or drug addictions, I've seen the withdrawal...wah! But I gave her my story of healing from depression and all those other stuff I faced living in my “gray days.” I told her how my life changed completely last February watching iBethel, and how I got my healing and ran with it. She asked me how I planned on maintaining it, I said, “Not loosing focus on loving God and experiencing His love for me. That’s my plan.” I don’t even know where these answers came from, remember I was nervous; the line kept going dead so I was frustrated and scared she’d just give up on me. It was God I tell you!

Afterward I was thinking about it and what I said and I was like, yeah, loosing focus on His love is the beginning of the slippery slope. Here I was feeling so low about this whole thing then I read a tweet of Hebrews 13:5 “I will never leave you and I will never abandon you” That might be coincidence to you, but that was love to me. And He does that all the time if we take the time to look. I was moved to tears by that tweet! And nooo not just because I'm a tiny bit emotional!

I determined I was going to set my heart on course for joy. So I picked myself up out of bed and went to visit one of my friends who just had a baby and it was great. Nothing brings back joy more than looking at a sweet baby face.

Anyway, the day picked up from there and went around doing the usual things and finally got home and sat around with momma and watched the debate. I didn’t make it far though and fell asleep about half way through!


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