So, yesterday didn’t go according to plan but I’ve determined in my heart to not be sad or agonize about it. It’s so easy to get caught up in a Mexican standoff (a no win, no lose situation) with God. I think of it as being on a hunger strike, where you tell God, I won’t be happy, I won’t experience your joy today because I’m pouting since you didn’t go according to my script. I talked about this before.
Julie asked me if there are any issues that I’m dealing with, you know like, drinking, drugs, pornography and so on. I told her no, thank God for no alcohol or drug addictions, I've seen the withdrawal...wah! But I gave her my story of healing from depression and all those other stuff I faced living in my “gray days.” I told her how my life changed completely last February watching iBethel, and how I got my healing and ran with it. She asked me how I planned on maintaining it, I said, “Not loosing focus on loving God and experiencing His love for me. That’s my plan.” I don’t even know where these answers came from, remember I was nervous; the line kept going dead so I was frustrated and scared she’d just give up on me. It was God I tell you!
Afterward I was thinking about it and what I said and I was like, yeah, loosing focus on His love is the beginning of the slippery slope. Here I was feeling so low about this whole thing then I read a tweet of Hebrews 13:5 “I will never leave you and I will never abandon you” That might be coincidence to you, but that was love to me. And He does that all the time if we take the time to look. I was moved to tears by that tweet! And nooo not just because I'm a tiny bit emotional!
I determined I was going to set my heart on course for joy. So I picked myself up out of bed and went to visit one of my friends who just had a baby and it was great. Nothing brings back joy more than looking at a sweet baby face.
Anyway, the day picked up from there and went around doing the usual things and finally got home and sat around with momma and watched the debate. I didn’t make it far though and fell asleep about half way through!