I have an issue I've been praying about for the past 4 years and to be honest, it's just getting worse and worse. I've been carrying this attitude that God's punishing me because of the mistakes I might have made that led to those issues coming up.
Last night, I was reading these miracles I've posted on my sidebar -> and I was just thinking about how amazing it is that those things happened and wondering how people feel when you're blind and suddenly you're not blind anymore, or you had cancer and you go back and the doctor tells you the cancer's gone.
I believe in miracles, I believe that when Jesus prayed "your kingdom come", he meant that it has come and it's going to keep coming for eternity. (Isaiah 9:7, Daniel 4:3, Daniel 7:18, Hebrews 1:8) As Christians, we're meant to re-present Jesus and His Kingdom on earth and do greater works than He did (John 14:12 I tell you the solemn truth, the person who believes in me will perform the miraculous deeds that I am doing, and will perform greater deeds than these, because I am going to the Father.)
One thing that struck me was the guy praying against the cancer said, "we're not going to pray any different because it's cancer..."
What he meant was that we can look at some miracles as small and insignificant like finding a parking space and others like cancer like, "whoa, I've gotta grab my tools and attack this with all I have."
So today I was thinking about this issue I have, and I said to God, "God, I know you're not punishing me, because I repented, my heart is in the right place now. I'm doing what I'm meant to be doing...for the most part. My priorities are in order. I know you're good and you only have good plans for me, and this, this is not good and cannot be in your plans for me."
I have to stop looking at sickness or disorder or chaos or discouragement as a token from God to teach me a lesson. That's bad doctrine. Don't get me wrong, God does allow certain things to come your way for a season to test you or to grow you but He only does that when He knows you're ready. The key is to know, when you're in that season, when it's over. It's difficult but not impossible to see the end when you're in the middle of a storm and that's where a right word from someone else at the right time comes in very handy.
I started looking at this issue as God's problem now. My prayer changed to, "Holy Spirit teach me what it means to rest in God. My hope is in Him, teach me what it means to have my trust based on Him too." I thought all day about what I've seen Bethel students or pastors around the world do when they're praying for God to heal someone from pain, to grow a limb out, to straighten a spine or whatever (again, check out these testimonies, it's amazing!) These guys pray, a simple prayer then then ask the person they're praying for to test it out, like if they couldn't move, to try and move. The person may respond that they still feel pain and the students pray again, simple prayer and ask again, they do this again and again as long as God leads them to and more often than not something happens. Wonders like the pain goes away or the limb straightens out or signs like the person gets an overwhelming sense of peace or love. God always moves.
I can't allow myself to fear the disappointment of not getting a miracle more than I fear God.
So these were my thoughts for today. Later on I watched a video on Youtube and Steffany Frizzell was singing a prophetic song with these words:
This is my word and I want to release the same prayer over you.
I pray for Heaven's gates to swing wide over you. That God will show you overwhelmingly why we call Him glorious. He'll pour out His goodness over you. That He'll show you again and again how much He loves you. That you will be as bold as a lion as you wait for freedom to be released in your life. That any situation holding you back will be broken off of you. That you will live His forgiveness out loud and know beyond any doubt that He is out to bless you not punish you. That you will remember Jesus died for your freedom and to take the punishment in your stead. That you will see restoration of all that was lost. That what was not seen will be seen right now! That your beginning will be incomparable to your end as the Lord restores a double portion of all that was taken from you. Lord, I release freedom and hope and love and success in the lives of your Children right now, those you've called your own in Jesus awesome name. Amen.