Friday, May 10, 2013

The Night Before My Birthday: 23 Wishes & Dreams

It's my birthday tomorrow! I'm turning 23! This is officially my first birthday that I haven't looked forward to or pestered anybody about. I just might be growing up :-)

Well, birthdays go one of 2 ways, 1. I can be happy and celebrate another year of life. A chance to have a "new year" in the middle of the year. 2. I can be sad thinking about all the things I wish I had but don't have.
Sooo...I'm choosing to be HAPPY! This is really truly a year God's given me and I know some incredible things are about to happen this year simply because of my realization of His love toward me.

So here are 23 hopes I have for this year, some of them are stuff I feel God's led me into, some of them are just stuff I really would love to see happen/pray happen. Next year, we'll review. Let's get started.

My Top 23 Dreams For May 11th 2013-May 11th 2014

1. Tighter bonds and love in my family: I say this every year, I can't get enough. We're good now, especially my mom, sister and I, but I hope it grows. Not just the three of us but the whole family, husbands, wives, brothers, sisters, in-laws...I just pray for a strong healthy family unit.

2. Healing: There's a lot of areas I see a need for healing around me. Mom has issues with arthritis and joint pain, grandma has arthritis and ulcers, I see a couple of stuff I haven't dealt with like trust issues (trust in God, trust in guys, trust in friends...) and generally healing all around in some specific areas. Also maybe reach my target weight/fitness level i.e. get healthier. I'm 132 pounds now, if I could get to 120, that'd be awesome. 12 pounds in a year doesn't sound too hard right?

3. Freedom to travel: I have the doors of the world open to me, but I have to walk through the gate known as Immigration Control wherever I decide to go. I'm just trusting God for favor. I want to travel the world and learn from incredible pastors and be part of teams that are catalysts for change around the world. I would love like joining Dominic Russo in Honduras today and seeing the change happening there. Going to Australia with Bill Johnson and seeing revival. Going to Zimbabwe with Heidi Baker...I mean, there's so many crazy ways God's provided that need not just bureaucratic favors but also financial favor. However, the more I write this, the more I feel my heart toward missions...who knows?

4. Going to School of Ministry: This is the biggest goal of the year. I'm looking for a corporate job as I wait on God to show me exactly how to enter the Church scene. I am 100% sure, even as I look, that it'll be temporary, my future is Church, no way around it. First step, training. I hope I get the chance to do this and get some qualifications.

5. Getting great friends: The year started off with me deciding once and for all with this prayer, "God, I've prayed for friends all my life and you've provided along the way, however, I can't be the one chasing people down to build relationship all the time, there has to be give and take, so God for the next few weeks I'm going to give, I'll be the one initiating conversations and all that, but after that, I'm done. I want to feel wanted and sought after too." Well the plan worked in that, I know where my friendships fall now, but it has left me needing a more solid group of friends. I pray for that this year. I don't know how God will do that, but I'm sure He will. He already has started and I'm super thankful.

6. Building long-lasting networks: I want to do something of my own in the future in terms of ministry, so I definitely want to build a great network of mentors, partners and friends. Connections that are solid an maintainable.

7. Singing BGV for people I admire: This already happened this year. In the past year I've sang in service when Kanjii, Mike and Osayi Onen and Angie Gachui have led worship, a year ago I could not have imagined that! This year I want to take that up a notch higher. God knows I have crazy dreams in my head like singing with Bethel and Elevation :-)

8. Being friends with people I admire: a lot of times I look at people who are popular or famous or who are just plain too cool for school and thought "oh no, she's way too cool to be friends with me" or "he'll just think I'm a fan or a stalker and want nothing to do with me" This year though I'm trusting God to sink into me the value He's placed on me and for me to walk in that identity. I trust for favor and for peace even as I meet these people who ordinarily would not notice me, that somehow God would put a target on my head that they would notice and seek after my value.

9. Favor with leadership: I want to be friends with leadership. I want personal mentoring, I want spiritual fathers and mothers I want them to stop me at the supermarket and say "Oh hey Joanne!"

10. Getting my Bachelor's degree: finally be done with KU!

11. Visiting Elevation Church: this is my dream to see the worship and production and...

12. Meeting and talking to Steven Furtick: How can you not be inspired by this guy, he's built a Church with 7 locations and 12,000 congregants in 6 years! AND he's like 32?! I want whatever He's having. I want to be him when I grow up :-)

13. Stepping out of my comfort zone and doing something radical for a stranger who is "the least of my brothers" People rejected by society: I constantly see people sick or begging on the streets and think to myself what'll happen when I come back from BSSM with my friends and we're walking along Nairobi and come across this guy? If I really want to be like Jesus what would He do? He'd talk to them, touch them, pray for healing for them. Can I do that? The answer is no, but I want that to change about myself. I give money, fine, but I want to ask them their names and stories and love on them.

14. Developing a worship song for Church: I've written a few songs and I want at least one of them to turn into something.

15. Preach a full sermon: yup!

16. Have a relationship with the Holy Spirit and speak in tongues: prayed for this for the longest time, I know it's a weird thing to pray, but I just feel like there's a level of intimacy I want to achieve and I'm not there. A lot of time I felt like maybe I was just afraid because well I don't know what's going to happen, I don't know if I'll fall or if I'll see heaven or if Jesus will walk nt the room, I thought fear held me back, but I've had so many other experiences that I know it can't be fear. So maybe it's timing. He will come when He want to come, all I can do is be ready for it by being able to host His presence...having a solid devotional life.

17. Lead someone into an encounter with Jesus

18. Be more private: I know this is weird since I'm a blogger!!! But my sister mentioned something to me last night. I was telling her about a friend of mine who posted a pic on FB of her in Asia and saying that's what I like about her, she didn't parade all over the internet saying she was going to Asia, she just posted a pic and we figured it out for ourselves. Her whole life isn't on her profile page. My sister told me that's a girl who's secure and confident in her own life. I thought to myself, yeah, hmm, I'm not like that! I'm going to be totally honest and say, yes, a lot of times when I post stuff on FB or twitter, I'm showing insecurity or self-involvement. When I'm alone, I go on twitter when I have no one to talk to, when I'm sick I post it to FB, when I see a quote that touches me I have to share it, a part of that is thinking, maybe if I show the world I'm a Christian, I will really be a Christian when the truth is, I'm a Christian because I'm a Christian! Half the stuff I RT or Share would be better suited for my journal rather than my profile page! So this year, I'm drastically reducing my social media stuff. I'll focus on blogger and instagram. My blog is an extension of my journal and I love blogging even if nobody reads it so it'll be the one thing I stick to.

19. Read my Bible, pray and soak faithfully: I have to stick to this, I do good for a week then quit. I was talking to my sister how when Daniel was told he couldn't pray for 30 days it was such a huge deal for him and he couldn't survive without prayer, in fact, he'd rather die with prayer than live without it. If I was told I couldn't pray for 30 days I'd be like, :-/ heeh...ok. It's the biggest thing about me I'd want to see changed, my intimacy with God. The way I read my Bible reflects on the way I handle the rest of my life. If I'm wishy-washy with this it leaks into my school work, my time-management, my relationships, how I handle money...

20. Develop the inner peace to be pursued: I'm just learning now the art and the peace that comes with being pursued. Not thinking, "how do I get this guys attention???" and just being at peace knowing if this is the guy for me, he would move heaven and earth to get to me. I've started to realize, everything I can do to get attention from a guy he can do for me, like come sit next to me at a party or fish around and get my number or track me down on Facebook. I've learnt to not lead the conversation on dates or texting, if he doesn't ask me questions and only expects me to come up with talking points, I'm not going on a 2nd date. I have learnt that everything I can do, he should have the wherewithal to do. Even if it's Googling questions to ask on a date. There's no excuse. I'm not dating a passive guy anymore. I've spent my life pursuing and leading the relationship, in my past relationship, I paid for dates and bought drinks thinking this is what it meant being a low maintenance woman. The truth though is, I as a woman already bring in my part of the equation. I will love you more than you've ever be loved, I will make you the most cared for man on the planet, all I'm asking for is for you to be a man. Be someone I'm proud to be led by.

21. Fall in love: After being pursued...God, I really want to fall in love. I want to have a best friend and a partner and someone who speaks my language. I want to find out what love really is. I want to see how patient I can be personally, how good I'll be at being cool and setting boundaries and taking it slow and if all these months of salvation have changed my dating persona :-) lol. I want to be in love, to be loved wholly, completely and wholeheartedly. To be valued and respected and wanted.

22. Be in a great relationship: being in love is great, but I pray this guy is the real deal. I don't want to commit myself to a guy who's going to wake up a week from now and say, "Oh, I made a mistake, I don't love you anymore." I can't go through that again. I'm praying for a slow-burn rather than a fiery furnace that quickly burns out or is snuffed put by externalities. A love that grows. A man who'll really think about me and put me first and count the cost before making any moves. I want to be free to enjoy each other without either of us worrying about what the other might do to hurt them. I want us to be free to LOVE. I want us to have fun. I want to see him grow in his relationship with Jesus. I want to be inspired to grow. I want to romance and sparks and all that good stuff. I want peace. At the end of the day, I want to praise God for a husband who held me and told me God is with us and will take care of us.

23.  Fall REALLY in LOVE. Like for real, no turning back, I'm in this, you are mine and I am yours, kinda love.

If I could have one bonus wish that covers all these others it'd be this:

Faith: This is a whole lot of stuff I want for my life and none of them can be done without the provision of God. I want this year to be one of the building stones for the rest of my Christian life. I want to look back and say, "my God who provided rent for me when I was 23 and had absolutely no money, will provide this time" I pray God for incredible testimonies not just for me, but that through them other people can get a renewal of their faith and hope. I want to awaken the dreamer God put in us. I want this to be the year I'm audacious in my faith. I want to follow after the people that inspire me for living out God's purpose with such excellence and strength, building ministries with incredible impact and be an inspiration as well. God says to ask for the nations, I'm asking for the nations. I want to be that one!

Lord change me, make me, mould me into that person you need, that person you made me for. No more mediocrity and just getting by!

Happy 23rd Birthday To Me!

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