Thursday, June 13, 2013

Where Before Meets After

I have these huge dreams about my life that not many people know about. In fact, when I told my sister some of them, she remarked that she would have never known those things about me because I've never talked about them or shown any kind of passion or motivation about them. I told her, "What do you mean? I blog all about it?!"

It's gotten easier this year to put some of my dreams out there, starting with the beginning of the year when I actually verbalized it to my mom. Then telling my worship team about some of the ways I'm pursuing that and finally saying it to my sister.

There's a reason for it, I came to find out.

I've given so much of myself to worthless pursuits. I've been saved since I was 10 years old, but I've lived backslidden for a lot of that. So, any time I'm back on the proverbial Christian bandwagon, I hesitate sharing whatever it is God's teaching me because I feel like the people around me are just looking at me with one eyebrow up, cynical and waiting for me to fail yet again. I'm getting better about sharing God, especially through this blog. I think I've always been real here. Well, I've come to find out I had the equation all wrong.

I write here about my relationship with God, and I get sometimes months of consistent writing. Then a rough season comes and I write about it too, then I read back what I wrote and somehow God uses my past words to speak into my current life and He gets me back on track. So sharing my heart leads me back to God. Hiding my heart to try and preserve my dignity or reputation or to put it bluntly, pride, it drives me further away from Christ.

I've made so many decisions to protect my pride and deny my Christ, deny my heart. I've replaced this, God; my purpose with this desire to be accepted or to receive affection or again to protect my dignity or reputation or again to put it bluntly, pride.

Today though, I want to put it all out there. These are the short bullet points of my purpose and my goals.

Me: I am a Follower of Christ and absolutely nothing without my Lord. I love helping people especially with purpose, relationships and life with God. I love digging into His Word. I'm learning how to be the woman I've always wanted to be every day. Trying to be all in for God. I am thankful for Love and Grace more than anything else.

My husband: I am soon to meet him. He is a warrior in prayer and defending His family. He is a priest and in random moments I will find him on his face before God. He is a great leader who will teach me something about leadership every day by simply watching him live his life. He has an incredible passion to lead people to deeper knowledge and understanding of God's love. He loves every part of me.

My Kids: They are the biggest blessing God has entrusted me with. They are the most fun part of my life. They love Jesus, music and sports. They make me laugh till I cry. They teach me how to live. They grow my heart everyday.

My Ministry: Still stands unnamed and the vision remains dim, but, oh, it's coming.
Do you hunger for the Word of God and long to teach it with authority and excellence? Yes
Is your heart burdened for hurting women? Yes
Is God calling you to a teaching/speaking ministry? Yes

My Everyday Life: God, family, health, friends, ministry = a very happy me.

So that's it. Again though, I don't want to get my hopes up. I don't get my hopes up about anything usually, it's just how I am. I just don't, it's easier that way.

But with the Maker of the Universe and the Almighty Sovereign Lord as my Savior, why shouldn't I have hope? That's again my pride getting in the way of faith that He has the best for me. Because He does! He promises that! If I don't have hope, then I'm just setting myself up for another failure in my walk with God and a failed life lived outside of my purpose, which very well could happen. But by God's grace, and with His guidance, and how He's preparing everything for me ahead of time, it will not happen. I'll be sure to tell you all about it as it unfolds.

It's an amazing thing that we don't have to settle! We don't have to be content with our own little plans! God's plans are infinitely greater and more creative than any of our dreams! What this means is that we can always, always have hope.

He's about to blow in this place.

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