Thursday, May 29, 2014

May 2014 Insta-Recap

Last core group of the year, I have a lot to be thankful for #bssm

Feeling super #iloveamerica today and this was up during worship. Seeing as its my last week here, I have to say, thank you America for all the good you do for this world. Thank you for making it possible to go after dreams & enjoy the process. Thank you for the movies and TV shows for my favorite music and mega churches. Thank you for the beauty you possess. Thank you for the young people you've enabled to change the world. See you soon! πŸ‡ΊπŸ‡Έ

Packing round 1, I figure I might as well start while I still have the emotional energy to do it #itsstillhard!

This girl somehow managed to order a salad at #innout #rabbitfood - protein style, extra lettuce, no cheese, no spread(!) the foodie in me just died a thousand deaths @ngyossef

Movie Premieres & Film Festivals Thanks #BSSM for making my California dream that much more real πŸŽ₯🎭 so cool to watch movies made by friends & people I know & one day when they make it big I can say I was there when... #bssmfilmfestival

I would never have thought that 1 day is be sitting in a basketball game behind Ben Armstrong (@mysticmetron) cheering for Kris Vallotton, Eric Johnson, Banning Liebscher & Eric Allen. Surrounded by GREATNESS tonight #FathersILookUpTo #bssm #bensrg2014

Commissioning Day// God said to Moses, "Take Joshua the Son of Nun - the Spirit is in him! - and place your hand on him. Stand him before Eleazer the Priest in front of the whole congregation and commission him with everyone watching. Pass your magisterial authority (splendour, majesty, vigour) over to him so that the whole congregation will listen obediently to him// Numbers 27:18-20 #bssm #fathers #Kingdom #foundmyplace bawled my eyes out

This is by far one of the best human beings on the planet. She sees people. She knows people. She has a heart bigger than anyone ever. She is the sweetest girl I have ever met. She practically got half of us to school everyday. She would leave a first row seat to come and get you from the top of Mt. Shasta if you asked her to. She's been there for me in ways I can't begin to describe. She's been my closest friend even on days I felt invisible. She is my future bridesmaid. It's been the biggest gift to run with her all year and I'm not letting go :-) I love you 

#tbt audition video for worship teams...Thank God for His wisdom, I wouldn't have made it #hindsight #loveourteams
#tbt to yesterday where after we got commissioned, I looked back and saw this on the screen, oh yeah!

Yes that is #BrianJohnson leading prayer time live and in person this morning #lovemyschool #hewritessongsfortheworld #creativityandtalent

#lastdayoffirstyear last day swiping in to the Civic with a blue badge

 don't know about the rest of me but my hair's certainly ready for 3 days of airports & travel πŸš™ ✈ ✈ ✈ πŸš™ #braidsfordays not gone yet, had to spend my birthday tomorrow in my favorite place on earth #bethel #redding

It's my #birthday!!! Thanks for the wishes. #feelingcelebrated it was such a good day my heart is happy AND I got to be at 2 Sunday Services with Brian, William & Kalley leading and watched Bill Johnson preach #daymade AND I got cheesecake AND I went to my favorite restaurant with a group of people I've missed dearly AND the servers sang happy birthday to me and gave me a free Sundae AND It's mothers day and 2 moms at Church gave me tons of hugs and loved on me even though we were strangers cz thats just what happens at Bethel AND I got Season 7 & 9 of 7th Heaven AND I'm 24!!! #yearofpromises #dreamscomingtobirth #itsnotover

#BourbonStreetSteak #birthdaydinner πŸ‘
Last Swipe of the Year!!!

Redding Sunsets!!!!! Best view tonight, farewell/birthday dinner with @janay555 at #View202

 Stayed 1 night on Dubai!!!!

Reading Increase waiting for my flight at SFO

Thursday, May 8, 2014

Bible Studies With Joan :: Repentance

Forgiveness is there, because that’s just who God is. Jesus says in Luke 17:4 if you’re brother sins against you seven times in a day and seven times comes to you and says, “I repent” you must forgive him. That’s just who God is, He is merciful and he desires for nobody to perish (2 Peter 3:9). But repentance has to come quick, Esau missed his chance of repentance, (Hebrews 12:17).

God’s kindness leads to repentance (Romans 2:4) and He is the one who grants repentance, (2 Timothy 2:25). 

Repentance isn’t feeling guilty or sad, a worldly repentance is sadness and brings about death. God leads us to repentance which is not depression or regret. (2 Corinthians 7:10) Regret is self-focused, “I wish I hadn’t done that, I feel so stupid”… Repentance is God seeking, “I can’t believe I did that despite the love you’ve shown me. I will never go back for the sake of your love.”

Seeing God leads to repentance, Isaiah 6 where he says, “Doom! Doomsday!” or Job 42:5-6 where Job says, ​​​​​​​I had heard of you by the hearing of the ear, ​​​​​​but now my eye has seen you. T​​therefore I despise myself, ​​​​​​and I repent in dust and ashes!

​​​​​​​Psalm 4:2-5 You men, how long will you try to turn my honor into shame? ​​​​​​How long will you love what is worthless ​​​​​​and search for what is deceptive? ​​​​​​​Realize that the LORD shows the godly special favor; ​​​​​​the LORD responds when I cry out to him. ​​​​​​​Tremble with fear and do not sin! ​​​​​​Meditate as you lie in bed, and repent of your ways! ​​​​​Offer the prescribed sacrifices ​​​​​​and trust in the LORD!

Isaiah 30:18 says the LORD is ready to show you mercy; ​​​​​​he sits on his throne, ready to have compassion on you. ​​​​​​Indeed, the LORD is a just God; ​​​​​​all who wait for him in faith will be blessed

Matthew 3:8 and Luke 3:8 both say we should produce fruit that proves our repentance. The fruits of the spirit are love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness & self control. (Galatians 5:22)

1 Kings 8:47-54 
When your people come to their senses in the land where they are held prisoner, they will repent and beg for your mercy in the land of their imprisonment, admitting, ‘We have sinned and gone astray; we have done evil.’
When they return to you with all their heart and being in the land where they are held prisoner, and direct their prayers to you toward the land you gave to their ancestors, your chosen city, and the temple I built for your honor, then listen from your heavenly dwelling place to their prayers for help and vindicate them.
Forgive all the rebellious acts of your sinful people and cause their captors to have mercy on them.
After all, they are your people and your special possession that you brought out of Egypt, from the middle of the iron-smelting furnace.
“May you be attentive to your servant’s and your people Israel’s requests for help and may you respond to all their prayers to you.
After all, you picked them out of all the nations of the earth to be your special possession, just as you, O sovereign LORD, announced through your servant Moses when you brought our ancestors out of Egypt.”
When Solomon finished presenting all these prayers and requests to the LORD, he got up from before the altar of the LORD where he had kneeled and spread out his hands toward the sky.

2 Kings 23 is another story of repentance, the Old Testament Kings are some of the best repent-ers out there. 

Here’s a group of people who had everything, and it got to their heads. Here’s a group of people who had the worlds expectations on their shoulders and some of them crumbled under pressure. Here’s a group of people who had a rich legacy, and they couldn’t keep it up. Here’s a group of people who had the biggest of father wounds and they had to live with consequences of choices they had no control over.

Here’s King Josiah, 
First, he reads aloud the word of God
Second, he makes a covenant in front of accountability partners, not alone in a dark room, he does this in public
Third, he did some radical amputation and destroyed all the idols and pagan priests
Fourth, he reintroduced Passover, looking back at what the Lord had done, honoring the Passover lamb i.e. looking to Jesus for salvation
Fifth, 2 Kings 23:25 - No king before or after repented before the LORD as he did, with his whole heart, soul, and being in accordance with the whole law of Moses.

A Prayer of Repentance – Psalm 51
​​​​​​​(Written when Nathan the prophet confronted him after David’s affair with Bathsheba) 

​​​​​​Have mercy on me, O God, because of your loyal love! ​​​​​​Because of your great compassion, wipe away my rebellious acts! ​​​​​​​Wash away my wrongdoing! ​​​​​​Cleanse me of my sin! ​​​​​​​For I am aware of my rebellious acts; ​​​​​​I am forever conscious of my sin.
​​​​​​​Against you – you above all – I have sinned; ​​​​​​I have done what is evil in your sight. ​​​​​​So you are just when you confront me; ​​​​​​you are right when you condemn me.
​​​​​​​Look, I was guilty of sin from birth, ​​​​​​a sinner the moment my mother conceived me. ​​​​​Look, you desire integrity in the inner man; ​​​​​​you want me to possess wisdom. ​​​​​​​Sprinkle me with water and I will be pure; ​​​​​​wash me and I will be whiter than snow.
​​​​​​​Grant me the ultimate joy of being forgiven! ​​​​​​May the bones you crushed rejoice! ​​​​​​Hide your face from my sins! ​​​​​​Wipe away all my guilt! ​​​​​​​Create for me a pure heart, O God! ​​​​​​Renew a resolute spirit within me! ​​​​​​​Do not reject me! ​​​​​​Do not take your Holy Spirit away from me! ​​​​​​​Let me again experience the joy of your deliverance! ​​​​​​Sustain me by giving me the desire to obey! ​​​​​​​Then I will teach rebels your merciful ways, ​​​​​​and sinners will turn to you. ​​​​​​Rescue me from the guilt of murder, O God, the God who delivers me! ​​​​​​Then my tongue will shout for joy because of your deliverance.
​​​​​​​O Lord, give me the words! ​​​​​​Then my mouth will praise you. ​​​​​​​Certainly you do not want a sacrifice, or else I would offer it; ​​​​​​you do not desire a burnt sacrifice. ​​​​​​​The sacrifices God desires are a humble spirit – ​​​​​​O God, a humble and repentant heart you will not reject. ​​​​​​​Because you favor Zion, do what is good for her! ​​​​​​Fortify the walls of Jerusalem!
​​​​​​​Then you will accept the proper sacrifices, burnt sacrifices and whole offerings; ​​​​​​then bulls will be sacrificed on your altar.

Jeremiah 31:15-22
The LORD says, ​​​​​​“A sound is heard in Ramah, ​​​​​​a sound of crying in bitter grief. ​​​​​​It is the sound of Rachel weeping for her children ​​​​​​and refusing to be comforted, because her children are gone.” ​​​​​​​The LORD says to her, ​​​​​​“Stop crying! Do not shed any more tears! ​​​​​​For your heartfelt repentance will be rewarded. ​​​​​​Your children will return from the land of the enemy. ​​​​​​I, the LORD, affirm it!
​​​​​​​Indeed, there is hope for your posterity. ​​​​​​Your children will return to their own territory. ​​​​​​I, the LORD, affirm it! ​​​​​​I have indeed heard the people of Israel say mournfully, ​​​​​​‘We were like a calf untrained to the yoke. ​​​​​​You disciplined us and we learned from it. ​​​​​​Let us come back to you and we will do so, ​​​​​​for you are the LORD our God. ​​​​​​​For after we turned away from you we repented. ​​​​​​After we came to our senses we beat our breasts in sorrow. ​​​​​​We are ashamed and humiliated ​​​​​​because of the disgraceful things we did previously.’
​​​​​​​Indeed, the people of Israel are my dear children. ​​​​​​They are the children I take delight in. ​​​​​​For even though I must often rebuke them, ​​​​​​I still remember them with fondness. ​​​​​​So I am deeply moved with pity for them ​​​​​​and will surely have compassion on them. ​​​​​​I, the LORD, affirm it!
​​​​​​​I will say, ‘My dear children of Israel, keep in mind ​​​​​​the road you took when you were carried off. ​​​​​​Mark off in your minds the landmarks. ​​​​​​Make a mental note of telltale signs marking the way back. ​​​​​​Return, my dear children of Israel. ​​​​​​Return to these cities of yours.
​​​​​​​How long will you vacillate, ​​​​​​you who were once like an unfaithful daughter? ​​​​​​For I, the LORD, promise to bring about something new on the earth, ​​​​​​something as unique as a woman protecting a man!’”
Hosea 14:2, 4 Return to the LORD and repent! ​​​​​​Say to him: “Completely forgive our iniquity; ​​​​​​accept our penitential prayer, ​​​​​​that we may offer the praise of our lips as sacrificial bulls…..​​​​​​​“I will heal their waywardness ​​​​​​and love them freely, ​​​​​​for my anger will turn away from them.

Wednesday, May 7, 2014

School Of Ministry First Year Impact

I recently applied (& got accepted!) to 2nd year and we had to answer some questions online and in a one-on-one interview. I saved some of my online answers because I thought it would be cool to look at some years down the line.

What two areas that have impacted you the most from your first year experience?
 1. Loving others: being involved in Treasure Hunts & generally being placed in positions where I had to pray for & prophesy over others has been a stretching experience & has given me a deep love & compassion for people that I had never tapped into before. I'm learning what it looks like to love what God sees in people and not my own first impressions.
2. What being a powerful woman looks like: through watching & interacting with powerful people & going through inner healing I didn't know I needed until I got here, I keep growing in the realization that I don't have to act like a powerful person, I just am. Knowing my identity, knowing I don't have to put on a personality - knowing that I am worthy of love whether I meet people's (or my own) expectations or not, simply because I will always show up. 

What two areas that you have been challenged in the most?

 1. Evangelism: I have never approached a stranger & never thought I could because "it just wasn't my thing" but interacting with the 2nd years has kicked me out of the nest - I have been pushed a lot into giving words of knowledge on the spot & it has really challenged me, so much so that now I can't not start conversations with strangers, which before was not possible for me.
2. Performance mentality - I have had to rid myself of this pattern that I lived in where I only approach people especially leadership when I have something good to show them/put on a mask of perfection. People can definitely see through that here, so I've been learning to just be me, to honor my heart, if I'm going through things to let people in & not just try & handle it on my own so I can maintain a certain image.

What two areas have you have grown in the most?
1. Boldness: the first few weeks of school, I was scared talking or singing in front of people - now I can't believe it's me sometimes. It's definitely an area of growth & I can't wait to see what that ends up looking like.
2. Relationally: I am learning how to do friendship well, what honor & confrontation & love looks like. Previously, I always gave up on friendships when struggles arose, but now I'm fighting for my friendships & bringing people in because this is God's plan for me

What is one leadership quality you are still growing in?
Not letting my voice disappear in the crowd, stepping out & voicing my needs/opinions.  There's a thin line between a servant heart & a slave heart & I'm learning what that looks like. For example, taking the trash out every week might show a servant heart; but taking the trash out every week because I'm afraid of confronting my roommates to do it, that's a slave heart. So basically, telling people what to do/what I need done is an area I'm growing in.

Briefly explain why you want to attend 2nd year
I've definitely learned a lot in 1st year & it was worth the investment, so I definitely want to continue with the  program because there's still a lot more offered to pursue. More than that though, after interacting with 2nd years, I want what they have. There is definitely a depth of maturity & leadership that they exemplify and more opportunities to grow as a leader that I am incredibly interested in. I'm excited for more Bible Classes & more targeted training opportunities that will help me build my future ministry. I'm also looking forward to pursuing leaders & learning from them as much as I can. 

Do you feel called to a particular aspect of career ministry or are you called to another sphere of influence? Please explain:
Yes. I feel called to teach about purity and/or family relationships. Also in writing music.