Saturday, August 23, 2014

How to Fight Fair

The world is unprincipled. It's a dog eat dog out there! The world doesn't fight fair. But we don't live or fight our battles that way - never have and never will. The tools of our trade aren't for marketing or manipulation, but they are for demolishing that massively corrupt culture. We use our powerful God tools for smashing warped philosophies, tearing down barriers erected around the truth of God, fitting every loose thought and emotion and impulse into the structure of life shaped by Christ. Our tools are ready at hand for clearing the ground of every obstruction and building lives of obedience into maturity.
2 Corinthians 10:3-6 (The Message)

Kris Vallotton said something really funny on his Facebook page this week. He was talking about how he always believed that the people who didn't like him didn't like him because they simply didn't understand him. This week though, he came to the realization that some people do understand him, they just can't stand him.

I guess we all come to that point growing up. The point where we realize that God loves us, we love ourselves, we are worthy of love and some people love us, but not everyone will like us. Not everyone who used to love us will end up liking us, for example, that childhood BFF you used to have until you quickly found out forever meant your first year of college (o-0)

I read a lot of books. One book that really put into words what I believe about connection, communication and boundaries is Danny Silk's Keep Your Love On*. We all have to pick our own core values and life rarely allows us to disagree with someone we hold the same core values with, so how do we handle it?

1. Have a Big Yes
As you should know by now, this is my go to advice to any problem. Have a big yes in your heart because a strong yes is your best no. I can't be in 2 places at the same time. In saying yes to my desire to maintain a healthy connection, or at worst to break the connection in the least hurtful way, I'm saying no to my desire to prove I'm right and they are wrong.

2. Stick To Your Core Values
Just because someone else (it's always someone else ;-) ) doesn't fight fair doesn't mean we should follow suit. The moment you step out of your values is the moment you lose credibility in front of yourself and the other person. Honor and value. "we don't live or fight our battles that way - never have and never will"

3. Always Remain Humble and Peaceable
The tools you derive from your values should not make you feel superior or better than another person. It's not about being right and the other person being wrong. We never grow that way. It's not about you being a doormat either and letting people walk all over you. Aim to take what you can use for growth and run with it while at the same time, not letting the other person rob you of your joy or (God-given) identity.

The goal is restoring the relationship and rebuilding trust, not making the other person believe what you believe about the situation, about who (you think) they are or about you. "The tools of our trade aren't for marketing or manipulation"

Hope this helps!

*You can find Danny's book at the Bethel Store, Barnes and Noble or on Amazon

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